Deadly Bloody Serious

I need a desk with:

• A gutter up the back for cables;

• Enough width for my two monitors;

• Enough room underneath for two computers and a subwoofer; and

• Hopefully some magic shelfy thing for the printers, etc.

I'm about to head to Ikea.

I dread Ikea.

If anyone has any better ideas, I'd love to hear them.